“The value of life is revealed when it confronts death from close quarters.”
14th Feb 2017, 5.30 in the morning while walking down the beach, I could see the beach littered with garbage, plastic bags and beer bottles floating in and around the sea. I witnessed a strange feeling within me, it felt like this is what I have been doing all of my life to nature. I have been to the same beach many times in the past and never was conscious about what I did to nature, so maybe this is my litter and my garbage so I decided to clean it all by myself.
There are people including me who never care much about anything in their life, their whole life passes by on an automatic pattern. It felt like I am the one who threw this garbage year by year since I was born and like me there are so many others but It felt like I am the one who is at fault the most. Once I began, it took me around three hours to clean the part of the beach, I went up and down the hill to use the dustbin, even using my clothes to pick up the garbage, it felt like some higher power was controlling me. Few people returning from the parties staring at me like I am the cleaning guy and many thinking that I have lost my mind, which was true in some sense. But I was crying for what I have done in the past to the people, to nature, to myself and even was confused about what is happening with me at the moment but I kept picking up the garbage until my body was tired, my clothes dirty and my inner self felt clean.
Walking and cleaning, I reached one end of the beach to find a restaurant called SunRise and at the moment felt the warmth of the sun rising from the end of the sea. as I looked at myself my clothes were dirty and I was sweating so I decided to take a bath in the sea and then leave for my place where I was staying. I did learn some swimming when I was a kid but not up to the level where I can save myself from drowning. I am always afraid and reluctant to go deep into the water. I am more comfortable on the beachside and as deep as my chest is inside the water, this has been my limits always after this my fear takes me over. I went inside the sea keeping in mind my fear not to go deep and then feeling of the morning cold seawater on my skin was one of the best things that happened to me after been through so much of confusion this morning not knowing that there is a still lot left that Nature is waiting to teach me today.
“The power of nature can make fun of the power of man at any time.”
Been inside the water for a few minutes now and I start to witness some unusual voices asking me to go deep inside the sea, as I looked around I could not make out the source of these voices as there was no one there. After a while, I heard the voices again call my name and asked me to go inside. Now I knew the voices I am hearing are coming from within me and is my own self talking to me, asking me to go deep and fight my fear but my mind kept insisting that this is impossible as I don’t know swimming and I will surely drown. As soon as the water reached my chin level, not deeper my mind called out loud or you gonna die here today. Even when knowing that I will drown, I couldn’t stop myself from following these voices as they were too strong and I was not in my control. So, I closed my eyes and began to float while meditating.
The interesting thing is the coincidence that I never learned meditation until a night before the incident when I met Alex in the hostel where I was staying. He recently returned from a vipassana session and introduced me to the simple technique of meditation, just to close my eyes and keep the focus on my breathing. As I was meditating and floating in the sea something inconceivable began to happen with me physically while floating when the back of my head touched the water I noticed a strange sound, kind of similar to when two live current wires come in contact to each other. As the experience was too strange for me, I panicked and opened my eyes, I began to go down and there isn’t a solid surface under my feet anymore. Many times I went down into the water and every time I was going down something divine was happening to me, there was always a rock beneath my feet, one thought at the moment was that it is just a mere coincidence and another thought was, that it felt like experiencing God. I felt afraid, surprised but confident so I closed my eyes again and tried to keep my focus on my breathwork. I again started to hear the sparking sound and as I start to float the very moment I knew that water current has started to pull me inside but I kept meditating with my eyes closed.
Focusing on my breathwork I kept my eyes closed but as the fear of death is enormous so I panicked and opened my eyes and started to drown again. It felt like this time I am surely dying as I am so much deep into the sea and even started to lose my breath, flapping my arms and legs to save myself but still I am going down. Out of nowhere my wrist bands got stuck in a fisherman’s net which they keep tied to the length and I am saved again!! Catching up on my breath, It was hard for me to interpret whatever was happening to me since morning when i decided to clean the beach.
“I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can explain.”
This made me think whatever I am experiencing is that even real or this is just an illusion, it’s been more than 30 minutes in the sea without knowing how to swim and I am not yet dead. As my wrist bands were stuck in fishermen’s net I was left with two choices, to try hard to swim out to the beach or I have been saved until now by something powerful, so maybe it will save me in the future too, so break these bands, close my eyes and let go with the flow.
And what I did next was not which I would normally do because we have been taught to be fearful by society, the fear of death among the worse. I laid my back on to the water felt the spark again on my head and I knew that the waves are taking me deep into the sea, but I didn’t get panicked this time believing in the divine energy within kept my focus on breathing and didn’t open my eyes for long. I kept floating like a feather feeling every cell within me vibrating. I fought my fear in the sea every second but not even once believed that I will die today. I didn’t feel like flesh and bone anymore maybe a form of vibrating energy but not a human for sure.
When I opened my eyes again, i didn’t realize for how long I was senseless, was very deep in the sea and no one around to save me, no beach around, Just me floating in the enormous blue sea. But I wasn’t afraid anymore I knew how to keep myself alive just to keep breathing and believe in the unimaginable force of the creator. I was in the sea for almost 3 hours. I didn’t die but something was dead within me, the past of me and I knew I am not the same person anymore, there was no confusion of life and death anymore, I am the creator’s gift to the universe and my reason to live is to try to make the universe beautiful for everyone.
“My soul is not contained within limits of my body, my body is contained within limitlessness of my soul.”
The rest of the time in the sea will teach me how to live. I witnessed my life changing experience when I was supposed to die.
To be continued as – THE INCIDENT -PART II ( Where I am Born again).
Thank you for reading my story. You all are beautiful.